NEEDLES AND STITCHES AREN'T ENOUGH (TRIBUTE TO MY MUM)


Preggy mama!
I haven't even started writing and tears are dropping already.

Evelyn .A. Nwabuokei since you left a part of me died and life has never been the same. I have tried, so much but the pain is still excruciating like the first day in Sapele when i was told you were gone. I haven't found comfort, this heart can't be comforted over your demise. It's been years but it has gone by like days,  days that sometimes a part of me wish it's all a dream and you will comeback from this long trip.
I never knew i would survive this long without you. I remember getting agitated whenever you traveled and it was past the time for your arrival and you were no where to be found. I remember how restless i was till you got  back and gave me kpekere (plantain chips) and ask me why I was worried.
Dike, Mum and I
Just like a dream you took a bow and left me, left us, just like that. I kept asking myself "WHERE WAS GOD" when you took your last breath, where was he, when you struggled for months? where was he? when i believed beyond hope, where was he when my tender hearted wished for a recovery that never came. Where was he? I won't lie after you left i almost stopped believing in God, i asked him questions he never answered, pain and hurt rocked my soul and till now i still can't be comforted
For years i was angry,  sad, depressed and lost. I'm still sad but no longer angry.
My first birthday. Mum, me and Dad.
You were a fighter, so in my wildest dreams i never believed you were going to die, i felt we would pull through, i thought God was going to give me a miracle but he didn't. For years i told God "You knew i wasn't going to heal from this, why did you let it befall me and my brothers? Why? " One event that comforted me was when i learnt that on your dying bed you wept bitterly because of me, you knew i was going to be this hurt and it broke your heart even before you left. I was comforted because i know if it were your will you will still be by my side, forcing me to wash my clothes or walk properly like a girl (i have given up on the walk step thing....it is here to stay), giving me stories of your childhood and your school days with Dad.
Who will comfort me? Who? Who will i quarrel with over an outfit? Who will fill the gap you left? Who? Mum who?  I have made little achievements and you weren't around to celebrate with me, more celebrations will come and you still won't be present. It's heartbreaking, painful and saddening. I have learnt to cry in the rain so the world won't know I'm hurting. I want to scream and let the universe know how much i miss you and how my heart is in continuous grief. I have had a lot of " if mummy was here" moments, more are coming but i will pull through, we will pull through.
Their wedding ceremony

But what do you do when God decides to take an unexpected decision and we are left to accept our fate?  Today I celebrate the legacy of culture, contentment, hard work and love you infused in me. I find peace reminiscing of the good old days and memories of laughter in your room. I talk about it like its yesterday. Thanks for choosing/having the best family that have  stood by us since you left, they all have played a remarkable role.
Mum and Dad
Happy posthumous Birthday Mum... I know we will meet at the Lord's feet.

Your Ada.

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